Posted by: Laurence Harmon on 2/4/2011 | 0 Comments

    New York, NY. In a crushing landslide win, Sarah Palin has won the popular vote at RudeOrStupid.com for stupidest person on the planet, beating out such worthy challengers as Brett Favre, Lindsay Lohan and George W. Bush.

     

    The site was unveiled in October 2010 with the purpose of answering one question: “Are you rude, or are you just stupid?”™  Commented the founder of RudeOrStupid.com, “It’s the online version of the brick you want to throw through your TV screen.”

     

    “We weren’t surprised by people’s opinion of Sarah Palin in general,” says RudeOrStupid.com’s founder. “But we were surprised that she beat George W. Bush in such a crushing landslide.  He’s not even close. I suppose it’s just one more popular vote he didn’t win.”

     

    Here you go:  THE TOP 10 STUPIDEST THINGS SARAH PALIN HAS EVER SAID (SO FAR):

     

    Number 10.  "This speaks to a bigger picture here that certainly scares me in terms of our national security policy. But obviously we've gotta stand with our North Korean allies."  Discussing Obama's foreign policy in an interview with Glenn Beck, Nov. 24, 2010.

     

    Number 9.  “They are also building schools for the Afghan children so that there is hope and opportunity in our neighboring country of Afghanistan.”  Speaking at a fundraiser in San Francisco, October 5, 2008.

     

    Number 8.  "I want to help clean up the state that is so sorry today of journalism. And I have a communications degree."  To Sean Hannity, in a Fox News interview, Nov. 22, 2010.

     

    Number 7.  “His theme last night in the State of the Union was the WTF, winning the future, and I thought, OK, that acronym, spot-on. There were a lot of WTF moments throughout that speech."  On President Obama's State of the Union address, to Fox News' Greta Van Susteren, Jan. 26, 2011

     

    Number 6.  “As for that VP talk all the time, I'll tell you, I still can't answer that question until somebody answers for me what is it exactly that the VP does every day?”  Her surprise at presidential candidate John McCain choosing her as vice-presidential running mate, interview with CNBC's 'Kudlow & Co', July 31, 2008.

     

    Number 5.  On writing notes on her hand during her speech to the Tea Party (March 5, 2010): "I didn't really had a good answer, as so often -- is me. But then somebody sent me the other day, Isaiah 49:16, and you need to go home and look it up. Before you look it up, I'll tell you what it says though. It says, hey, if it was good enough for God, scribbling on the palm of his hand, it's good enough for me, for us. He says, in that passage, 'I wrote your name on the palm of my hand to remember you,' and I'm like, 'Okay, I'm in good company.'"

     

    Number 4.  "It may be tempting and more comfortable to just keep your head down, plod along, and appease those who demand: 'Sit down and shut up,' but that's the worthless, easy path; that's a quitter's way out." Announcing her resignation as governor, July 3, 2009

     

    Number 3.  "I did, I did! I'm so proud of myself. I have caribou blood under my fingernails still."  When asked by a fan whether she'd killed a caribou recently, at a Sept. 11 memorial event in Wasilla, Alaska, Sept. 11, 2010.

     

    Number 2.  "Well, then what the federal government should have done was accept the assistance of foreign countries, of entrepreneurial Americans who have had solutions that they wanted presented. They can't even get a phone call returned, Bill. The Dutch—they are known, and the Norwegians—they are known for dikes and for cleaning up water and for dealing with spills. They offered to help and yet, no, they too, with the proverbial, can't even get a phone call back."  To Bill O'Reilly, Fox News, June 15, 2010.

     

    Number 1.  "As Putin rears his head and comes into the air space of the United States of America, where– where do they go? It's Alaska. It's just right over the border." Explaining why Alaska's proximity to Russia gives her foreign policy experience, interview with CBS's Katie Couric, Sept. 24, 2008

     

    Posted by: Laurence Harmon on 1/28/2011 | 0 Comments
    Time once again for the annual STELLA AWARDS!  You’ll remember Stella:  She’s the 81-year old who spilled a cup of hot coffee after removing the plastic top, carefully placing the uncapped cup in her lap, then driving off from Mickey D’s.  Amazingly, the cup spilled the boiling beverage onto Ms. Stella’s lower regions.  

    The aptly-named STELLAS are handed out to honor the most outrageously ridiculous lawsuits that generate the most outrageously ridiculous money damages.  Here goes: 

    In SEVENTH PLACE is Kathleen Robertson, of Austin, Texas.  Kathy took home a cool 80 grand after she broke her ankle tripping over a youngster who was running inside a furniture store.  What’s outrageous about this, you ask?  Well, the kid was Kathy’s own son.    

    Ranking SIXTH in the 2010 pantheon of winners/losers is Carl Truman, a Los Angeleno.  Carl grabbed $74K plus medical expenses when his neighbor drove a Honda Accord over his hand.  Why did this unfortunate accident merit a Stella?  Our Carl was in the process of stealing the Accord’s hubcaps when the owner tried to drive away. 

    Terrance Dickson, of Bristol, Pennsylvania captures this year’s FIFTH PLACE.  Seems Terry was attempting to leave the house he’d just burglarized.  Through the garage.  Turns out that the automatic garage door opener didn’t work, and poor Terry had locked himself out of the house.  He was able to survive for eight—yep, eight!—days, with only a case of Pepsi and, appropriately, a big bag of dog food.  Understandably, the unfortunate Mr. Dickson sued the homeowner’s insurance company, claiming mental anguish.  The jury verdict?  Half a million bucks! 

    Jerry Williams, of Little Rock, Arkansas, claims 2010’s FOURTH PLACE slot.  Seems Jer got bitten on the butt by his neighbor’s beagle, despite the fact that the pup was chained to a tree in the neighbor’s fenced yard.  The jury awarded our guy $14,500 plus medicals, even though Mr. Williams had climbed the fence and repeatedly popped the beagle with a pellet gun. 

    The lovely Amber Carson, of Lancaster, PA, takes the BRONZE this year. Amber experienced a “slip-and-fall” in a Philly restaurant resulting from a spilled soft drink that Amber herself had thrown at her boyfriend during an argument less than a minute before!  Broken tailbone = $113,500. 

  

    The 2010 RUNNER-UP?  That would be Kara Walton, of Claymont, Delaware.  The thrifty Ms. Walton, attempting to sneak through the girls’ restroom to avoid paying the nightclub’s $3.50 cover charge, fell through the window and knocked out her two front teeth.  Damages?  $12,000, plus dentals. 
    Taking home the GRAND PRIZE is OK City’s pride and joy, Ms. Merve Grazinski.  Ms. Merve, having just purchased a new 32-foot Winnebago motor home, drove out to the freeway, accelerated to a comfortable 70 mph, flipped on the cruise control and headed to the back of the Winnie to make herself a sandwich. Now here’s where it gets a little crazy:  The driverless motor home left the freeway and overturned!  

    Ms. Grazinski sued the company for its failure to warn buyers that they shouldn’t leave the driver’s seat with the cruise control engaged.  The Oklahoma jury, sympathetic to Ms. Grazinski’s plight, awarded her $1,750,000 plus a new Winnie.  Startled, Winnebago promptly included an appropriate warning in its owner’s manual—just in case Ms. Merve might have an Okie relative or two in the market for a motor home.

    Posted by: Laurence Harmon on 1/13/2011 | 0 Comments

    Norman Julius “Boomer” Esiason (born April 17, 1961), formerly an NFL quarterback for the Cincinnati Bengals and currently an analyst for CBS Sports, is allergic to marshmallows and Millennials.

     

    Demi Moore (born Demi Gene Guynes on November 11, 1962), an American actress, has never ridden on an escalator.

     

    Steve Case (born August 21, 1958, co-founder and former CEO of AOL, owns three cats named “Cletus.”

     



    Dolly
    Parton (born January 19, 1946), an American singer-songwriter, does not own stock in California’s Cleavage Creek Winery.

     





    Lynette Alice "
    Squeaky" Fromme (born October 22, 1948), sentenced to life in prison for the attempted assassination of former President Gerald Ford, recently changed her name to “Whiny.”

     

    Eddie Money (born March 21, 1949), an American rock guitarist, cannot legally declare bankruptcy because of his last name.

     

    Both Naomi Judd (born Diana Ellen Judd on January 11, 1946) and her daughter, Wynonna (born Christina Claire Ciminella on May 30, 1964),  country singers, were born in Kentucky, which may explain how they can be members of the same generation.

     

    Barbara Hershey (born Barbara Lynn Herzstein on February 25, 1948, also known as Barbara Seagull), an Emmy Award-winning American actress, rarely eats chocolate and typically scavenges for crabs and small fish along Southern California beaches.

     

    K. D. Lang (born Kathryn Dawn Lang on November 2, 1961), a Canadian pop and country singer-songwriter, and Jessica Lange (born April 20, 1949), an American stage and screen actress, have never met, despite the similarity of their last names.

     

     

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