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Posted by: Laurence Harmon on 10/25/2011 | 0 Comments
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Have you noticed that stairs are getting steeper?  Groceries are heavier.  And, everything is farther away.  Yesterday I walked to the corner and I was dumbfounded to discover how long our street had become!


And, you know, people are less considerate now, especially the young ones.  They speak in
whispers all the time!  If you ask them to speak up they just keep repeating themselves, endlessly mouthing the same silent message until they're red in the face! What do they think I am--a lip reader?

I also think they are much younger than I was at the same age.  On the other hand, people my own age are so much older than I am!  I ran into an old friend the other day and she has aged so much that she didn't even recognize me

I got to thinking about the poor dear while I was combing my hair this morning, and in doing so, I glanced at my own reflection.  Well, REALLY NOW-- even mirrors are not made the way they used to be!  

Another thing, everyone drives so fast these days!  You're risking life and limb if you happen to pull onto the freeway in front of them.  All I can say is, their brakes must wear out awfully fast, the way I see them screech and swerve in my rear view mirror.

Clothing manufacturers are less civilized these days.  Why else would they suddenly start labeling a size 10 or 12 dress as 18 or 20?  Do they think no one notices? The people who make bathroom scales are pulling the same prank.  Do they think I actually believe the number I see on that dial? HA!  I would never let myself weigh that much!  Just who do these people think they're fooling? 


I'd like to call up someone in authority to report what's going on--but the
telephone company is in on the conspiracy too: they've printed the phone books in such small   type that nobody
could ever find a number in there!

All I can do is pass along this warning:
 
WE
ARE UNDER ATTACK! 


P.S. I am sending this to you in a larger font size, because something has happened to my computer's fonts—they’re smaller than they were yesterday
!

 

 

 

The Huffington Post reports that one of the most closely-guarded secrets in U. S. history--the recipe for Coke--has been revealed.  Apparently, the recipe was published on February 18, 1979, in Coca Cola's hometown newspaper:  The Atlanta-Journal Constitution.  It seems that a local reporter discovered it in a handwritten recipe book written by a local pharmacist.  Ready?  Here you go:    

 

Fluid extract of Coca: 3 drams USP,
Citric acid: 3 oz,
Caffeine: 1 oz,
Sugar: 30 (unclear quantity),
Water: 2.5 gal,
Lime juice: 2 pints, 
Vanilla: 1 oz,
Caramel: 1.5 oz or more for color


The secret 7X flavor (use 2 ounces of flavor to 5 gallons syrup):

Alcohol: 8 oz
Orange oil: 20 drops
Lemon oil: 30 drops
Nutmeg oil: 10 drops
Coriander: 5 drops
Neroli: 10 drops
Cinnamon: 10 drops

 

 

Posted by: Laurence Harmon on 1/30/2011 | 0 Comments


10.  “Wanna swap teeth?”


9.  “Are you a model, or were you a model during the Truman Administration?”

8.  “Ever done it in a Craftmatic adjustable bed?”

7.  “What’s a nice girl like you in ---Wait, where am I?”

6.  “Much like high-sodium foods, you send my blood pressure skyrocketing!”

5.  “Excuse me while I slip into something orthopedic.”

4.  “How’d you like to be in my will?”

3.  “Wanna see my cane?”

2.  “My arteries aren’t the only thing that’s hardened!”

1.  And THE NUMBER ONE DAVID LETTERMAN SENIOR PICKUP LINE IS:  “Hi, I’m Dave Letterman!”

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